Saturday, December 31, 2011

I CAN FEEL IT CALLING IN THE AIR 2NGT

Here's one.
I noticed this at the time it was happening but now that I have this blog I guess I actually have somewhere to put it.

The Pool Room is a kind of night club near where I live (in Melbourne, Australia). Anyway I don’t remember ever signing up for it but they send me text messages every once in a while, typically just promoting that it’s free entry if you get there when nobody else is, that wet pussys are cheap and that some top DJ I don’t know is playing “THE LATEST COMMERCIAL MUSIC AND RnB”.

For a long time The Pool Room has been on the brink of closing down. Back in January nearly a year ago I got a message advertising "NOT CLOSING DOWN DRINKS SPECIAL", but alas, I've just heard that tonight, New Years Eve 2011 is the very last night for The Pool Room. And then it becomes a hardware store. Or something. And so that's that. I don't know if I care. I think maybe I do. It'll be sad not having it around to fall back on. I've certainly had many memorable nights there.

But I'm not here to talk about memorable nights, I'm here to talk about spelling. And everybody who goes to The Pool Room understands that the cooler you are the more you misspell and abbreviate the word “tonight”.
So here’s a quick timeline of The Pool Room getting cooler and cooler as they got better and better at abbreviating 'tonight'.




Probably this wasn’t as interesting for you as it was for me? I might’ve written too much. Maybe I should’ve just put the images up and let you figure it out. And most importantly maybe The Pool Room was really onto something here, maybe they would've closed down much sooner if their text talk hadn't been so hip and with it, and so maybe from now on I 2 shld strt rmving th vwls frm my wrds.


I'll miss the Pool Room. Although I'm definitely not spending my New Years there.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Umm as you are, as you were, as I want you to be

Well Yakov, Harry Goaz, it seems this blog finally has a third reader, a young woman in the UK named Jen Umm.
Can we trust her? What do you think? Right off the bat I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that I'm skeptical as to whether Umm is really her last name. But who knows, perhaps she is sitting around her dinner table right now with all the other Umms in her family discussing how she doesn't believe Pittock is really my last name.

Jen Umm has a fashion blog; it's well laid out and generally good and all that if you're into style and that stuff I guess.
I mean sure of course I do find fashion very interesting, but personally I don't buy clothes very often, and so when I do I buy multiples of the same things. That way I don't have to think about it and I just wear the same clothes every day for weeks. Apparently Einstein did the same thing. But this does get scoffed at occasionally and so clearly this isn't for everyone.

Scrolling though Jen Umms blog is very similar to flipping through a Vogue magazine, standing in my girlfriends kitchen while she's getting ready.

Jen Umms blog seems to have a lot of readers. A lot of the older posts seem to have a hundred thousand comments. That's even more than you get Harry Goaz. Although in fairness to you Harry Goaz a lot of the comments left for Jen Umm seem to be "I'm following your blog so please follow my blog".

But ok, to keep one third of this blogs readers happy, here is a link to Jen Umms blog. http://www.styledecorum.com/

The blog has a lot of advertising. So I figured maybe advertising is what this blog needs.

Maybe that would give this post a hundred thousand comments as well.
It's worth a shot right?

Now even though Nike just offered me a seven figure cheque to advertise their sweat bands on this blog, I decided instead to just take some photos of the advertising from Jen Umms blog that I know for certain gets results.

Thanks for reading Yakov, Harry Goaz and Jen Umm. Have a happy New Year guys. 
And if there's anybody else reading this that isn't Yakov, Harry Goaz or Jen Umm, thanks for reading as well, and Happy New Year to you too.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

What to name your dog

Hey best friends.
I just discovered a dog website is using my "Man with small dog" video on their "dog information and facts" page.
Here's the link; http://doginformationandfacts.info/index.php?sub=Man%20with%20small%20dog.%20Train%20drawing.%20Kenny%20Pittock%202011&vid=kxg1FWG5FDU&feature=youtube_gdata_player&cat=&id=593

The website's cluttered with advertising and is pretty difficult to navigate but one aspect of the site I do enjoy is the "Dog names" section.

Of course I went straight to Z, where they offer many useful suggestions including "Zoom Zoom", "Zooey" with a double O, and "Zippity Do Da". Are these legitimate dog names? Has anybody ever used these? Would poor Zippity Do Das name eventually become shortened to Pity? That would be a pity.

I'm probably being ignorant aren't I? Zippity Do Da is probably as big in the dog name industry as Sam or Lassie. I decided to google "Zippity Do Da Dog" to see if any "Here's a photo of me and Zippity when he was a puppy" results came up.
The first result to come up was a video ad for Dippity (with a D, so it doesn't count) Do-Da Dogs.
The second thing to come up was a news result from Feb 2011 for a Zippity Do Da pet Kennel in Tennessee that was found to be grossly mistreating its animals and the article talks about the Task Force being sent in and rescuing 100 dogs from its premisses. Bad Zippity. Here's the scoop if you want more on that
http://hsus.typepad.com/wayne/2011/02/tennessee-rescue.html

and finally the third result that Google gave me was the twitter page for Zippity Do Dog, a place that sells hotdogs. If you want to get their tweets here's the link;
http://twitter.com/TheZippityDoDog
I tried to go on the Zippity Do Dog website but it is currently down as Zippity Do Dogs "Go Daddy" domain name expired exactly a week ago and is currently pending renewal or deletion.

So that's that. It's cool to be featured on the website. I would've much preferred they'd asked for my permission, but I am pleased to see they have fully credited me and in this instance of course I would've said yes.

Its funny though because when taken away from youtube the video is no longer accompanied by the little description I wrote which kind of puts the thing into context, but I guess that's just how it is on the internet.
I'm still not convinced anyone's named their dog Zippity Do Da.

Friday, December 23, 2011

T-shirt so good, come on baby make it t-shirt so good

Oh boy oh boy
It feels like only yesterday I regretted buying that t-shirt but decided in order to get my ten dollars worth I would wear it ten times.
Yakov, Harry Goaz, I know the two of you have been waiting patiently at your computers for days and days just clicking the refresh button over and over again, waiting for this post. Well, like they say; good things come to those who, you know, do that. and so here we are at number ten. The very last time I wore the elect ron tshirt!

In the unrealistic event that there are any new readers to this nonsense, welcome, hello, and let me just say that you are sure in for a treat, as it just so happens that you have stumbled onboard this journey during an incredibly momentous occasion. Now before I move on to number ten let's do a quick summary of the previous 9 times I wore the shirt;
1. swimming pool, opening
2. airport
3. eminem
4. hamish and andy and some openings
5. oslo davis
6. hot date
7. slept in the shirt
8. masters grad show opening
9. jury duty

and now, finally, numero teno-
The tenth time I wore the tshirt was to a party held by some of my friends who graduated from my course this year. The idea of the party was to have a big fire and everybody would burn all their unwanted art. I didn't bring any art, but I did bring a second top to change into.
And so that was that, I wore the shirt to the party, it took me two hours to get there, I wore it at the party for an additional hour or so and then I said goodbye to it.
It was sad watching it burn into nothing. After all it had done for me. It wasn't the tshirts fault that it had the bad joke and didn't fit right and strangled me while I wore it. Good old Elect Ron. He was actually something of a good luck charm. Which is probably why since this night my luck has grown considerably less good.

About fifteen minutes after I'd said goodbye to Elect ron a small army of fire fighters arrived and told us we had to put out the fire. I told them that we didn't start the fire, and that it was always burning since the world's been turning. Actually no I didn't. I said "Yes Sir right away I'm very, very sorry mister firemen".
Actually no I didn't say that either, although the people whose house it was said something similar to that affect but in a much manlier and cooler way while I watched on and took this high res photo.
So there you go.
And since this t-shirt saga has finally found some closure this blog can now officially have its ribbon cut, and can slowly begin to turn into something that much more accurately resembles an artist blog. I suppose I could always delete all these posts and start again. But I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
What do you think Harry Goaz?

Monday, December 19, 2011

because seven ate nine

Hey Pittockians, all two of you, (Yakov and Harry Goaz),
I'm nearly done talking about the tshirt. don't worry. And if you don't know what that means then you're certainly missing out and should go back a few posts. Or maybe more than a few, go back to the start. Why are you still reading? you can read this part when you get up to it. Go.

Ok, that's better. So the seventh time I wore the tshirt I slept in it. I put it on specifically to sleep in. I don't usually sleep with a top on but I was starting to get more comfortable in it and I felt like this would be a good test. I slept ok. Not great, but I never sleep great.

The eighth time I wore the tshirt was to the VCA Masters Grad show and around the city afterwards. When one of my friends saw me wearing the shirt they said "I thought you were only gonna wear it ten times". Meaning that they thought they'd already seen me in it ten times. But no, only eight,  although at that point I'd only had the shirt eight days.

The ninth time I wore the tshirt was to jury duty, although you couldn't see it as I wore it underneath my nicest shirt. I was excited about jury duty, to see how it all worked, and I figured I'd be able to do some drawings inside the court. Try my hand at being one of those sketch artists. I never got the chance though as I wasn't selected for any case. Basically we were all just stuck waiting around inside a large area in the courthouse. It was fun, but it was also against the law to leave. I did a couple of drawings of some of the other potential jurors and towards the end of the day I played pool with some guy studying journalism at Monash. "This feels a bit like prison" I told him, to which he replied "I liken it to an airport waiting bay, except there aren't any planes", which was much more accurate.

I spent my lunch break in the Flagstaff gardens talking to the Occupy Melbourne crowd. There was probably only about 25 to 30 of them there.
At one point an ambulance drove past with it's lights on and they pointed and laughed at it. "Another conformist in trouble ha haw haw".
I don't even know what to say to that. These people, fighting for human rights, seemed to be dehumanising everyone around them. This got worse when they ran over to the police in their tents and australian flag capes and they began to scream and spit in the policemen's faces. The police had to just stand there being spat on while the Occupy Melbourne people became increasingly aggressive and provocative. It seemed pretty obvious they wanted the police to use force so that the newspaper and radio reporters, who watched on eagerly, would put them on the news.
I won't talk about it any more than that but that's just what I saw when I went there, and before I headed back to the court house I went up to the police and said "I think you guys are doing a really good job". and they seemed genuinely appreciative of that.

ok. good, that's number nine. Great.
That's probably enough for now, you can't just spend your whole day reading this can you Yakov and Harry Goaz, you're busy guys I understand that.
So take five everybody, and join me next time Pittockians for the gripping final instalment of "Kenny wearing that shirt he hates". It'll be very in-tents.


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A tough act to follow

Attention everybody, (by that I mean you Yakov in Russia), this blog officially now has "one followers". And so in celebration of this gigantic breakthrough I'd like to dedicate this post to you, the person that made it all possible; Harry Goaz from New Mexico.

Follow me, everything is alright, I'll be the one to tuck you in at night, and if you wanna leave I can guarantee, you won't find nobody else like me.

It's a little known fact that Uncle Kracker's blog was actually the inspiration for that classic bloggers anthem.

To be honest I'm not sure what exactly 'following' is, but I'm very happy to have you on board Harry Goaz. I suppose it just means you get notified when I make a post. Like right now, when I finish this one you will be notified. 

I could make a hundred posts in ten minutes just to fill up your 'dashboard'. But don't worry Harry Goaz, I would never do that. I will always respect the ancient relationship between a blogger and their follower.

I hope this post doesn't scare you away Harry Goaz. I don't know if I could go back to zero followers now that I've seen these dizzying heights of one.

Am I supposed to follow you back Harry Goaz? Is that the motive behind you following me? But surely then we'd just be going in circles. No, one of us has to be the leader.

Well, ok Harry Goaz, you win, because you showed such initiative, I'll follow you as well. 

Perhaps then I'll understand what following is all about. Maybe soon I'll be following ten thousand different bloggers, all traveling in opposite directions and pulling me apart like a Stretch Armstrong. 

For now though it's just you Harry Goaz. And maybe you'll even teach me something about New Mexico. Come to think of it, I was never actually that familiar with the old one... Ha, sorry Harry Goaz, I bet you New Mexicans get that all the time. If I want you to keep following me I'll have to be better than that won't I?

As for you Yakov in Russia, why aren't you following me? Oh Yakov why can't you be more like Harry Goaz?

I just realised how ridiculous this blog is becoming, this post is insane, and nobody that hasn't read the previous posts will know what I'm talking about, and I know for a fact that nobody has read the previous posts.

This was supposed to be a serious artist blog. And it will be. Soon. I just have to finish talking about the last four times I wore that t-shirt I hate. I'll do that quickly. I'll rap it all up in the next post or two, nice and tight like an Eminem verse.

Maybe I can save this train wreck. Maybe it's not too bad. I won't steer this blog off of a cliff just yet. Not now you're following me Harry Goaz.

And anybody reading this that isn't Harry Goaz, let me just be inspirational for a moment by reminding you that you should always follow you're instincts, always follow your heart, always follow your dreams, and always follow me. Click on the 'follow' button in the top left.

Oh and in the spirit of keeping you inspired a little bit longer, let me remind you as well that you should also always subscribe to your instincts, subscribe to your heart, subscribe to your dreams, and subscribe to my youtube channel. http://www.youtube.com/user/kennypittock1.

Monday, December 12, 2011

You've really got a mould on me

привет (pronounced pri-VET) Yakov,

Thanks for returning to my tshirt diary, I mean artists blog. The sixth time I wore the tshirt was to my girlfriends house. We cooked gnocchi and it was the tastiest meal I've had in as long as I can remember.

We cooked garlic bread too that we'd gone down and bought from the IGA near her house, but when I got it out the oven and unwrapped it from the foil to see if it was ready we found that it was completely covered in mould. uh. It makes my skin crawl even now just thinking about it.
Now the garlic bread cost $2.50. My girlfriend paid for it but she did so using money that had fallen out of my pocket, so really I paid for it. And I got all very "LOOK AT IT WE HAVE TO TAKE IT BACK RIGHT AWAY" and she got all very "No I have to go there all the time we're not taking it back" and in the end it was her IGA and because she really didn't want me to I conceded that fine we wouldn't get our money back. 

I don't know if I did the right thing there though. I should have taken it back shouldn't I? What do you think Yakov?

She said that if it had've been $5 we would've take it back. But come on, $2.50 is still half of that. We could buy plenty for $2.50, such as a new loaf of garlic bread that we could actually eat.

But ok, it didn't really matter. she was happy. I was happy. And even though we had nothing to dip into the gnocchi it was still a great meal. 

And that's what happened the sixth time I wore the shirt.

It looks like I'm standing towards the top of the photo but actually that's just where and how I took my shoes off when I came in the house.

How to write "Hello" in Russian

If you are reading this sentence then you are unique. Out of the 7 billion humans alive on this big old planet not one of them except you has read this blog.
Actually that's not entirely true. Over this week it's had 11 "hits". 8 from Russia, 2 from Germany and 1 from Malaysia. But surely all of them were mistakes.
Chances are that you reading this, yes you, are here by mistake as well. But even still, please do read on, and I can only hope that these sentences have been accurately translated into your language.

Because no-one is deliberately reading this I really have no obligation to talk about the fifth time I wore the "Elect ron" t-shirt. I'm not sure if even I'm still interested. Nevertheless, I started this and I'll finish it.

Here's a quick re-cap for any new reader, (I apologise to all you Russians, Germans and that Malaysian who have heard it all before); the other day I went to an open day at the Australian Synchrotron, (a synchrotron is an electron accelerator), and as I was leaving I bought a t-shirt that I thought said "Electron" but actually says "Elect ron". The pun isn't too bad I guess but the tshirt is way too tight around the collar and it chokes me like one of those constricting snakes and I hate it and I want to get rid of it. Before I do though I want to wear it enough to feel that I've got my moneys worth for it. It cost $10 so wearing it ten times, a dollar a wear, is what I decided seems appropriate.

I've already talked about the first 4 times I wore it and so I'll now get into number five.

The fifth time I wore the t-shirt was when I went to Oslo Davis' book launch at Perimeter Books in Thornbury. His book, Library land, is a collection of drawings he did during a residency at the Melbourne Library. Basically it's a book of sketches he did of people at the library. It's pretty similar to what I'd like to do one day with my train drawings.
Oslo was a nice guy, he didn't really look like an Oslo though. When I picture an Oslo I kind of picture Hunter Thompson's attorney in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, whereas this Oslo looked more like a Tom or a Paul.
Uh, what a goofball I am. I certainly look like a Kenny.

So there you go, numero fiveo. Thanks for reading, my dear pals in Russia, Germany and Malaysia.

I wonder if you read all the way to the end here before you clicked away. I wonder even if it actually was 8 different Russians, maybe the same Russian kept coming back. If you are that Russian please do let me know. 

If you tell me your name I could even begin these blog entries by writing "dear Yakov". Although I'd probably only do that if your name actually is Yakov. If, for example, you tell me your name is Rebecca, then I might not call you Yakov.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

hamish and andy and some openings

So ok, the shirt. I'm going to try and speed this up. The fourth time I wore it I went to see Hamish and Andy perform their last radio show for 2011. It was at some athletics track a half an hour tram ride from the CBD but I got a little lost and did a lot of it on foot. It was at the track because Hamish was going to do a backflip on a trampoline in a leopard costume, (which makes sense if you listen to the show), but I didn't get there until about 5.35, just moments after he'd done the flip. I heard everyone cheering about it as I approached the arena and then most of what I saw was people calling in to say how good it was and discussing ways they were going to celebrate.
It was a much smaller crowd than I'd expected, just me and a whole bunch of year nine and ten kids in school uniforms shouting "WE LOVE YOU HAMISH!" Oh and a 45 year old Chinese man in a grey suit with very pointy shoes. I never saw him laugh but on occasion he did smile and nod. He made me feel less silly for being there.
(As a side note, just because I didn't shout "I love you Hamish", doesn't mean I don't love Hamish)

After that I trekked back into the city to the opening at Platform, featuring my good friends Kate and Craig. Craig's the guy who curated the "Is It Straight?' show I was in at George Paton gallery a few months ago (http://union.unimelb.edu.au/georgepaton/is-it-straight. My work is the ice-creams and chupa chups)
As a second side note, Craig went to high school with Hamish and Andy.

Then I went to the Swinburne Pahran grad show at Pigment Gallery to give Lisa a copy of the "AVOID' book I've got a short writing piece in. I spent a lot longer there than I'd planned as I ran into Dan and.. this is really just turning into a diary. This is lame. I'm really just trying to say what I did in the shirt. But ok, like I said, I should speed this up. I'll make the future ones much less detailed.
Anyway so after that I was going to go to the show at Masato's but it was already nearly ten and it takes me an hour and a half to get home and I was worn out from Eminem and going out after the night before. So bla bla bla I trained back home and that's number four.

This t-shirt stuff won't make sense unless you've read the posts before this one. So, you know, if haven't read them, then read them. Maybe. If you like. Couldn't hurt.

I guess there's a slim shady in all of us


As I wrote at the end of the last blog, the third time I wore my 'Elect ron' t-shirt was when I went to see Eminem.
I hadn't been able to get a ticket, so really my plan was just to go to the stadium and soak up the atmosphere. I figured I would get a really profound feeling from knowing that I was within just a couple of hundred meters of the guy. A bit like when I saw Bob Dylan. I could try and articulate this more but I know it just sounds dumb to you so I'll leave it at that.

I've already written enough about how I actually managed to get inside the stadium in the description of this youtube video I uploaded. Here's the link. Have a look. Maybe even subscribe to my youtube channel if you like.


It's not the greatest video, there's so many things about it I'd change if I could, but it's ok considering I only had 17% battery and the camera was really playing up. It was of course a very surreal situation to be drawing in, standing up, rapping with Eminem and 60,000 other fans. "Are you a writer?" I got asked when I pulled out my book "hey?", "A writer. You know, a graffer". "Oh right, more of an artist" I said. The guy sort of did that thing Al Pachino always does with his mouth and nodded his head approvingly. I always get questions like that, and although I guess it used to be true it's always a bit funny. (Earlier this year on the train a guy that looked like Chopper Read saw me drawing and said "Aw cool man, I'm a tattooist as well." He then made me draw him and his girlfriend. But that's the beginning of a very long story I won't go into now).

A lot of people kept checking in on the drawing from time to time. The vibe was incredible, everyone was in festival mode. Girls were sharing joints in the staircases and guys were smoking cigarettes as they watched the show. There was one big gangster guy near me who was really going crazy rapping away, he'd completely lost himself in the music the moment he owned he never let it go, and he bumped me a couple of times completely stuffing up whatever line I was drawing, and although it sucked, he kept saying "oh man I'm so sorry" which just seemed so out of character for how this guy looked. I was grateful he apologised but he didn't need to, I understood, it was Eminem, and I kept telling him "hey don't worry about what I'm doing, enjoy yourself". He'd paid a lot of money to get in and do his thing.

I soon found out just how much money he'd paid, $306.06, when towards the end a man approached me and told me he liked the drawing and wanted to buy it. He wrote down his details for me on the back of his ticket.

I've got more to say but I've written too much as it is. But so yeah, that was the third time I wore the T-shirt.
It's hard to stay mad at the shirt now I wore it while getting into the front row of Eminem without a ticket. And besides, it only cost $10, they were selling Eminem tshirts, probably just as bad fitting and with none of the money going towards science facilities, for $50. I'm sure thousands of people bought them and regret it, but I doubt any of those people will wear them 50 times to get their "dollar a wear" out of it.
 

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The first two times I wore the t-shirt

So it was just over a week ago I bought the Elect ron t-shirt from the Synchrotron, and regretted it and then decided in order to be content with the purchase I ought to wear the thing ten times. That's pretty much all that's going on in this blog so I guess I better give you an update.

The first time I wore the shirt was to the swimming pool, however because I was dying to show off my body to the old women in the slow lap lane obviously I didn't wear it into the water. Once I'd gotten out though the shirt went back on, and I then made my way to the RMIT printmaking grad show at Red Gallery in North Fitzroy. Just below is a photo of me looking like a goofball with my old tafe buddy Cam Richards, and under that's a photo of one of Cams prints, where it was hung, next to the toilets.
Cam is easily the most technically advanced printmaker I know.

By the time I was driving back home the t-shirt was driving me crazy. I ripped at the collar as much as I could but it wouldn't stop strangling me. What's that movie where the guy's trying to drive at the same time he's being strangled? Well, I guess that probably happens in movies all the time. But I wonder though if it happens in real life all the time?
I came pretty close to taking it off and driving home topless but didn't as I was going 100 and had nobody in my passenger seat to hold the wheel while I did it.

In Cams artist statement he included a quote attributed to Alan Kay that goes "The best way to predict the future is to invent it". Great quote. At the time I read it I predicted that my future would include wearing this awful tshirt 9 more times.

The second time I wore the shirt was the following morning driving to the airport to pick up my girlfriend.
There's me wrapping my claws around a footlong sub. (ham on honey oat, lots of all the salads except for jalapenos, with marinara sauce, honey mustard, salt and pepper).
I was taking a quick break from carrying my gf's bags (gf is a cool abbreviation right?) and paying $20 for a one hour parking space.

Once I'd gotten home again I got out of the shirt, but then the third time I wore the shirt was later that evening when I took the train to go and see my Eminem.
I have to go cook dinner now, sadly I can't be buying Subway every meal I eat, so I'll write about my old friend Marshall later. But so there you go, stay tuned for the next gripping instalment of "Kenny wearing that t-shirt he hates".
If that hasn't hooked you in I don't know what will.