Sunday, April 28, 2013

If I was on The Voice.

Hey, how's it going? I'm watching The Voice. Are you watching it? My Mum watches it and so I've been seeing it a bit. It's a good show, the guys that came up with it are clever, it really hooks you in.

While watching two musicians "battle" over I dreamed a dream, I've been thinking about what it'd be like if I was ever an artist auditioning on this show.

It'd start with me backstage, I'd be interviewed by a black haired hottie in a Led Zeppelin top, she'd have areoplane tattoos on her forearms and a stud in her nose. I'd clumsily try to ask for her phone number. She'd let me down easy and suggest that maybe we be facebook friends.
Like all good television talent shows, The Voice is really just about a good sob story.

As I was being introduced onto the show there'd be a voiceover which would probably begin by saying that art is my life, and how this audition is my one big shot, the last chance I'll ever have to quit my job at the supermarket. 

The shows voiceover would transition into me doing my own voiceover, and I'd talk about how I'm addicted to drawing. They'd play music like the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm and show how while at work I'd sketch the customers when the manager wasn't looking. 
Then the music would get dramatic, they'd cut to a flashback of when I had spine surgery.
I'd get all choked up as I explained some of the struggles I faced in the years leading up to it, and how scared I was that I'd wake up from the surgery needing a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

They'd play the audio of an interview with my Mum over a montage of footage from my weeks rehabilitating in the hospital emergency room.
Mum would go on about how the only way I stayed sane during the recovery was to draw and paint, and they'd show the pile of thirty sketchbooks I filled up while on morphine and oxycontin. 

The whole thing would be really cheesy and it'd make you cringe.
They'd probably have some shots of my X-Rays and they'd show how the poles and screws that're permanently in me, and the brace I had to wear, look a bit like Frida Kahlo in her painting, The Broken Column.
Then they'd show footage of me learning how to walk again.
After all this drawn out ten minute introduction they'd eventually cut back to me, and the voiceover would say "And finally, after learning how to walk again, he's now walking onto the stage."
I'd sing "I started a Joke" by The Bee Gees.

None of the judges would spin their chair around.
(Acrylic on 225gsm paper. 21 x 29.5cm)

After the song finished Seal would tell me that I just didn't "bring it", but to not give up on my dream.

I'd walk backstage pretending to smile and trying to make a face to the camera that says "well at least I gave it a shot."

And that would be the end of it. For months I'd be a broken mess and I'd stay up all night wishing I'd chosen a different song to sing, or better yet, just not sung at all.

Maybe though, who knows, just maybe, one day, twenty years later, this whole The Voice experience might make up a funny little 15 second anecdote during the introduction when I get asked to give a TED Talk. And it would've all been worthwhile.
We all lived happily ever after.

You're the voice, try and understand it.

The End.

(Ha, I guess I'd been meaning to mention my surgery on here at some point and but it's still pretty heavy for me and this seemed like the most detached way to do it. Hope it wasn't too self indulgent. Thanks for reading. See you soon.)

Sunday, April 14, 2013

a PICA's worth a thousand words

Hey, thanks for stopping by. I just wanted to quickly let you know that I'm flying over to Perth today as I'm lucky enough to have been selected to participate in the upcoming Hatched exhibition at PICA, (The Perth Institute for Contemporary Arts). How cool is that?

Another thing that's really cool is they used an image of my Bubble'O Bill sculpture on the exhibition poster.
The show opens this Friday, April 19, and runs until June 9. 

I've never been to Perth before, did you know it's a four hour and twenty minute flight away from Melbourne? Pretty rad, it seems like so far to travel while not leaving the country. 

While in Perth I'll be staying at a Backpackers called The Underground. I couldn't decide between this place and another backpackers, but then I saw that the Underground has it's own youtube video. It's pretty great.
I really hope you get a chance to have a look at this show, I'm really excited about it. Thanks heaps for reading, hope to see you soon.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Take a jaywalk on the wild side

Hey pal, hope all's well, today I was driving and I saw a guy run across the road wearing the same t-shirt from this drawing I drew on the train last year.
(Paint marker on 225gsm archive paper. 21 x 29cm.)

The guy was jaywalking but he got away with it so I guess it was legal.

Friday, April 12, 2013

A whole Lotto love

Hey! Let me ask you something, are you feeling lucky?

Today I felt I was so I splashed out and bought two $2 scratches, so don't stop reading now because at the end of this blog post I'll tell you whether or not I won a million dollars.

In the meantime though here's a drawing I made last year, it's paint marker on 225gsm archival paper. 29.7 x 42cm.

Whenever I think of Lotto I think of my Dad. Every Saturday afternoon he buys a ticket and every Saturday afternoon he's convinced he's going to win.

He never does win but I do love him for his relentless optimism.

From the above drawing I went on to create a bigger work, an advertisement for a fictional Lotto draw with a jackpot of 999 billion trillion dollars.

If my Dad does ever win a jackpot I hope he wins that one.

Here's the painting in the background of this photo. It's acrylic on paper. 118.9 x 84.1cm.
This work was really just a study for an even bigger work. 

Here's a photo my Mum took of me while I was painting the bigger work. (I should point out that I wasn't just in my boxer shorts because I wanted to show off my hot bod, but also because I was working in a killer 45 degrees).
But despite the heat wave, and perhaps even incorporating it into the work, (I turned the dollar sign into a sun), I eventually finished the painting and here's a bad photo of it.
It's acrylic on board, 122cm x 182cm.
Here's some of the studies I made of the Tattslotto logo.
And here's the logo within the finished painting.
So yeah, that's the painting. And that was the end of it really until the other day when I was driving down Dorset Road and spotted this poster on the side of a bus stop.
And so I came back, and here's my painting, seamlessly placed in front of it.
For a couple of minutes the piece had an audience.
But then the bus came.
But so ok, enough about the painting, let's get to the bit you've been waiting for; the two $2 scratches.I won't drag it out, the answer is no. I didn't win anything. Not a cent. Here I am having just bought the scratchies, stuffed full of hope and dizzying potential.
And here I am after scratching them.
But hey, good news for you. There's no better time to buy a scratchie as there's now two less non-winning ones in the world. So yeah, go get one, and if you win please send me $4 to cover my losses.Thanks for reading, have fun but just remember, when you get the lucky itch you shouldn't always scratchie it.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Testing my skills

Hey pal, how've you been? 

I haven't written anything here in a little while so I figured today's the day. So yeah, here's something I've been thinking about this morning.

I'm 24 and I've never left Australia, and putting aside the obvious fact that I don't really have the money, it's just never really been a priority for me. 

The last six months or so though I've been starting to change my mind a little bit, I'd love to go everywhere. 

Well, nearly everywhere.

One thing I've decided, as a result of going to the shopping centre this weekend, is that I no longer ever need to go to Paris;

Why would anyone want to go to Paris when we've got a perfectly good Eiffel Tower right here at Fountain Gate?
To get the most out of the great structure I stopped by France again the next day to eat my breadstick and drink my red wine.
The nearest I had to an appropriate stripy shirt is my Collingwood top, the stripes are vertical not horizontal, but it's close enough.
Also, I was driving, so instead of red wine I was drinking Ribena blackberry juice.

I find dunking the crusty bread in the Ribena makes it a lot easier to eat. 
I'm pretty sure that's how the French do it.
After leaving the Eiffel Tower I went into Sanity and, much like my outfit, I couldn't decide between a football dvd and a So Frenchy So Chic cd.
In the end I decided to just get a Boost Juice. 

Here I am waiting for it, which was actually a lot more embarrassing than I was expecting. 
This whole thing was pretty dumb, and I might not've put it onto this blog except that having accomplished everything I could've hoped to in France, as I was leaving Fountain Gate I came across this Footy Fever themed Skill tester.
There was a ball standing on it's end that I thought I might be able to knock down with my breadstick. I couldn't get it, but I just about broke my wrist trying. 

After my failed attempt at getting the ball using bread, I decided to put in a gold coin. 

And so, much like Collingwood did to Carlton yesterday, I had the skills and won the football.

The poor skill tester didn't know what it had been up against though, my skills have already been tested many a time, as in my past life I was actually once a skill tester junkie.

And so to finish off this blog post here's a very old photo of a collection I made, I think in 2004 or 5, in the summer between year ten and year eleven. 

It's called "49 toys I won on the skill tester using only money earned from busking with a yo-yo".

I guess that's enough for now, I should get back into the studio. Thanks heaps to Cherie Peele for taking the photos. And thank you to you, for reading this. Hope you're having a great day, see you soon.