Saturday, April 28, 2012

The fruit of my labor

Here's a piece I made in 2010. It's titled "Orange". It's acrylic on wood.
Here it is at the supermarket. It's towards the front, a bit rounder than the others.
If anyone from Valencia is reading this, I love your oranges, please send me some.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Monday, April 23, 2012

Dogs on trains. (or; Love is blind, so is this guy)

I guess if I thought about it, losing my eyesight is probably one of my biggest fears.
I don't want to think about it.
Here's a new video where I draw a man and his seeing eye dog.
This is the third one of these I've done that has someone on a train with a dog.
Here's the other two.

It's hard to imagine three less similar dog on train experiences.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Nice women in glasses

Good morning.
Here's a new video I just loaded up onto the back of the old ute tube.
It's called "Nice women in glasses".
Thanks for watching.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

15 wheelie good bags

Come on baby let the good times roll.


So there you have it. 15 wheelie good bags.
You asked for it, you got it.
What's that? You didn't ask for it? 
I guess I must've misheard you.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Mug shots

Hey guys, nice to see you again, new haircut I see, lost a little weight as well, 
you're looking great.
You may or (more likely) may not remember that back in January I put a couple of photos of a piece I made in 2010; 'PAINTING OF A BOOK', onto this blog. 

Because I put that on I figured I'd put this on. 
In 2011, on a muggy morning, I bought a mug and made this follow up piece, 'PAINTING ON A MUG'.

Charles Saatchi happened to be in the bookstore at the same time I took these photos. 
When he laid his eyes on my ugly mug he said it was just his cup of tea and he had to have it. 
While Charles was writing me out a one million dollar cheque a masked mugger with a gun came in and kidnapped him.

I know for a fact that the mugger is reading this and let me just say that I still have my 'PAINTING ON A MUG', and for the safety of Mr. Saatchi I suppose I might consider offering it up as the ransom. 
Meet me on the bench in the park at sundown. Come alone.
Well, not completely alone, bring Charlie.
And maybe a thermos, a little milk and a teabag.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The best artists are pussies

The thing about driving a couple of paintings ten million kilometres from Melbourne to Sydney, (as I talked about here), is that eventually you then have to drive back and pick them up.
So the other week, that's what I did. Fortunately this time I had my girlfriend in the passenger seat, casually stretching her feet up on the dash, with me reminding her every once in a while that if the airbags are set off then in less than a second her knees will go through her skull.
A pretty accurate metaphor for any healthy relationship.

We stopped at Holbrook on the way.
I know exactly what you're thinking;
"Holbrook....Holbrook...Why does that name sound so familiar?"
And the answer, of course, is that you know Holbrook because of their famous annual Holbrook Beard Growing Competition.
One year I will enter Holbrook's Beard Growing Competion, I promise, but not this year, this year I was just passing through. 
Before leaving though I had a look in Holbrooks second hand bookstore and that's where I found this.
Why Cats Paint is the title of the book. 
Do cats paint? was my response to the title, and oh, how naive I was. 
I now know that cats have been artists for thousands of years. Here's the hard evidence.
This is a medieval tapestry done in 950AD, in which the cat artist paints while standing with his back to a caged bird and sleeping dog, (the prey and enemy of the cat).
A nice image, but this was painted by a human, and who would want to see anything painted by a dumb old human. Not me that's for sure. 
Well, except maybe Vincent Van Gogh.
Here's a couple of cats not only admiring the fur-like brushstrokes of old Vinceys sunflower paintings, but making reproductions of them. 

Why Cats Paint focuses specifically on the twelve most major contemporary cat artists on the scene today. Here's Bootsie, he's a Trans-Expressionist.
 I could've swarn Bootsie was taxidermed, but how can you argue with an action shot like this.

For just $15,000, "Hands Up! Mr. Rooster", (great title Bootsie), was a steal. 
I hope Bootsie shared just a little of that money with his owner. 

Here's Charlie, he's a peripheral Realist. There's no action shot of Charlie, so I'm going to assume that he (or she?) has been taxidermed.
This of course only makes Charlie all the more impressive, as how many other taxidermed major artists can you name that are still producing work of this quality?

Of course not all great cat artists are painters. Some zen cats use the sand in their cat boxes as their medium. Bonny, for example, appropriates lounge chairs when making her work.
Don't try and find Bonnys renowned Come on In at your nearest National Gallery though, as sadly this piece has been snapped up by a private collector.
The last cat artist I'll show you, (maybe I'll show you more later. Maybe not), is a spatial practise installation artist. Her name's Radar. 
To the uncultured eye it looks as though Radar has simply hunted a mouse, but you and I know that Radar is much more dignified than this and instead what Radar has done is located the medium for one of her celebrated nocturnal installations

...Why Cats Paint was twenty dollars. I didn't buy it. After all, for twenty dollars I could enter the Holbrook Beard Growing Competition every single year for two consecutive decades.
However if Why Cats Paint is still in the Holbrook bookstore when I eventually enter the Holbrook Beard Growing Competition then I'll be sure to buy the book with the Holbrook Beard Growing Competition prize money that I'll be sure to win.
 I don't like cats. (Except Garfield). And I would never have one as a pet. 
Even if it was the greatest artist of our time. 
But this is the internet, and I know how the internet likes their cats, and so I put in the above photo (again from the Holbrook bookstore) because Garfield is thinking the same thing I am thinking.

You may also notice that the Garfield book is next to The Fart Book. 
To finish off this blog post once and for all, here's an image from The Fart Book.

Friday, April 06, 2012

Don't be cross with me

Well, it's Good Friday. I hope you're having an eggcellent Easter, choc full of an eggsessive ammount of eating through the days, and perhaps, if you're lucky, (luckier than me), maybe even a little bit of seggsual healing through the night.
Thanks for reading. Here's a drawing I did ages ago.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Me in ten years

Hey passengers, I put a new video on the tube this morning.
You know, the tube, that's what all us cool kids call the youtubes website right?
Yeah good, I thought so.
I'm pretty sure this guy is just me in the future. 
As you can see from the photo below we both already wear the same jacket.
So long as I'll still have my jacket, I think I'm ready for the future.