Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Don't give up your day jobs

Hey, I recently started two new jobs. 

The first of my two new jobs, which I actually started back in May, is 2 days a week of shopping trolley collection. Very glamourous.

You know how when you go to a supermarket and you see all the trolleys loitering around the carpark, and you think to yourself, "Gee, I wish I could be the person out there in the rain, strapping those trolleys into 50 meter trains and pushing them uphill back into the shops"? 

Well, you are looking at the guy who landed that sweet job.
At first I offered to collect the trolleys voluntarily, you know, just for the experience and exposure, but the supermarket are actually paying me to do it!

Joking aside though I do really love this job. (And I'm not just saying that in case someone from the company reads this!) 

One cool thing about collecting trolleys is you get to use the secret corridors of the shopping centre. 

When I went to Italy I was amazed to learn about the Medici Family; a bunch of rich murderers who in 1565 controlled Florence and built secret corridors all over the city. Apparently the Medici's had to use secret corridors because if they walked amongst the public they definitely would've been assassinated. 

So it's comforting to know that my job has the same level of safety from assassination as the 16th century mafia.

I think the only real difference between the Medici secret corridors and the ones that I use is that the Medici corridors were filled with fancy self portraits
unlike the ones I use, which look like this.

But if the only thing separating me from living the life of a Medici is sticking a self portrait on the wall, then that's an easy fix. 

So this morning before my shift I painted this self portrait.
And then, after my shift, I duct back into the corridor and duct taped it up.

Here's a photo of it with my workmate, who's very generously pretending to be impressed.
And so yeah, collecting shopping trolleys is obviously my dream job, I work really hard at it and I think I'm pretty good at it. But I'm also realistic; I know that collecting trolleys is super competitive, and it's a tough industry to make it in. Which is why, to give my parents some peace of mind, I did the smart thing first and I got my fine arts degree, this way if collecting trolleys doesn't work out at least I'll always have the art to fall back on.

Speaking of art, here's four places you can find some of my work at the moment, please check them out if you can!;

1. If you're in Brisbane, I've got a large new sculpture and some drawings in The Churchie exhibition, held at the awesome QUT Museum. The show's on now, and runs until November 13. 

3. If you're in Tasmania, I've got a big new painting on canvas in the Bruny Island Art Prizeon now and running until October 4. 

2. If you're in the south east suburbs of Victoria, I've got a new series of 25 ceramic sculptures in the McGivern TEXT exhibition. It's at Realm Gallery in Ringwood, on now, and running until November 20. 

4. And if you're in Melbourne, I've got a new sculpture, a painting and a wall piece in the current group show on at Lon Gallery. On now and running until October 15. The show has the theme of nudity in art, so if you're around Collingwood go have a perve. (Ha, but I don't wanna get your hopes up, you won't see me naked in the show!) Here's a flyer with all the info.

But if you can't make it to any of those exhibitions you can always just come find me at the supermarket. 
A big thanks to Zoe Mullins for helping take some of the photos in this post. Oh and hey, I nearly forgot; at the beginning of this post I mentioned that I've recently started two new jobs, but so far I've only talked about the shopping trolley job. 

Well, the second of the new jobs that I've recently started is this one, staring Ashton Kutcher.

So far I'm about halfway through the movie and to be honest I don't really wanna keep watching, but if there's one thing you should know about me it's that I always see my Jobs through to the end.


  1. Replies

    1. Hi Penny, thanks so much for the champagne comment, really appreciate it :)

  2. hey man, be careful wrangling those trolleys - back in the day some poor schmo was killed when his occy strap let go, got the straightened hook clean through the eyeball and right into his brain melonparts. safeway prahran me thinks. also google up batpiss - loose screws filmclip for some inspirations