Friday, October 10, 2014

Watch out

Hey pal, how're you? It's a pretty scary world we live in, a lot of bad stuff seems to be going on and I'm not really sure how to make sense of it. One way to deal with it is to vacuum your car, so this morning I did that.
Now that the car's sorted let's get some closure on the whole strap keeper saga. 

So alright, I talked about all this a couple of posts back but just in case you missed it here's a quick catch up; Act one was that the strap keeper on my watch broke. I went to Mr. Watchworks for a replacement and they said that a new one would cost five dollars. As a fundraiser I made a strap keeper out of ceramic and offered to sell it for the price of a new strap keeper. 

Act two was that a wealthy art collector from Perth named Colleen purchased my ceramic strap keeper, (with an extremely generous fifty dollar tip). 

Now strap yourself in because it's time for the third and final act;

Upon my payment being processed I popped in to a post office in Prahran. (Adequate alliteration.) 

At the post office I sent a parcel to Colleen and a parcel to Phoebe. I also sent two postcards to Sydney and paid a $700 registration fee on my recently vacuumed car. 
Once the outbox had been sorted I returned to Mr. Watchworks with my broken strap keeper all set to get a new one.

That should've been the end of it but unfortunately the plan didn't run like clockwork. This time there was a different man working at Mr. Watchworks.

The other guy who'd served me had waved a new strap keeper in front of my face and said "Hey sucker, you want this? gimme five bucks!" I said I'd think about it and left to raise the cash.

This time however, when I went to Mr. Watchworks ready to be a sucker and part with my five bucks I was served by the different man who when I told him how my strap needing keeping he grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and snarled "get outta here kid, we don't sell no strap keepers round these ere' parts!" 

Now what am I gonna do???
Ha, hold that thought for a second, I just realised that my expression in that ridiculous photo looks surprisingly similar to the emoticon on the flyer for the fundraising exhibition on at Bus Projects.

if you just want to see the photo that I'm in, here it is;The last day of the show at Bus is tomorrow and to celebrate Bus is having "an evening of solo musical performances" in the gallery. I don't really know much about it but everything you need to know is written here in the facebook event. So yeah, if you're looking for a place to hang out tomorrow between 6 and 9, have a drink and see some music, (and especially if you haven't seen the show yet), then you should definitely stop by. Maybe even buy a limited edition print, or at least just come say hey, we'll have a great time.

Speaking of time, after my disappointment at Mr. Watchworks I tried another place; Mister Minit. Mister Minit told me he ain't got no strap keepers either.

Here I am in front of Mister Minit reading a book about chickens.
My favourite fact I read in the book is that chickens "Egg colour is often related to the colour of chicken's ears- red ears generally produce brown eggs and white ears white eggs." Now I'm very excited to go home and examine the ears and eggs of my chickens. I'll let you know my findings on that sometime soon.

Oh also I've got another chicken related fun-fact; so ok, I'm currently learning italian and as far as I can understand in italian you use different words if you're talking about something that is either feminine or masculine, right? So this can be tricky if you're trying to decide if something like a chair is masculine or feminine, but also, according to Italy, a chicken is a masculine word. Unless they're roosters, chickens (or "polls") are chicks. Am I crazy for thinking the word chicken should be feminine? Italian is hard.
But ok, after getting turned away by Mister Minit I next tried Watchmaker Golden Square on Little Collins Street. Again, no luck. 
It's a conspiracy I tell ya. You gotta believe me. The watch shops are all in on it, this goes all the way to the top. They sell us watches with cheap strap keepers and then bang, we have to cough up for a whole new watch band.

Buying a new watch band is what I ended up doing, I went to a fourth watch place, this time a place on Swanston Street called Downtown Revolution, and the guy there told me that for 16 dollars he'd put on a new watch band, a better one, one that had two strap keepers. $16 was higher than what I'd budgeted but it was a good deal and I took it.

Here I am, watchless as the day I was born, while a man puts a new band on my watch.
And here I am, captured on camera in the very first moment I put the watch around my wrist.
And so there you go, I paid 9 dollars more than I'd planned but I got a new strap and two new strap keepers, my watch is fixed, a happy ending, finroll credits. It's nice to have some time on my hands again. 


I was hoping that was where the story would finish. That's a nice place to end it. But unfortunately this afternoon I lost my watch! After all this, I went and left it on public transport. Ha, oh boy, and so wouldn't you know it, all I've got now is the old strap and a broken strap keeper.
But ok, there's no time in life to really worry about something like this, (at least I think there's no time, I can't know for certain as I don't have a watch), and so I decided to be a man about it and so I went to one of my favourite markets and I bought a new watch. 

So there you go, a new day a new watch. I could show you a photo but maybe I'll keep it a mystery. But ok, as well as sending some art to people on the other side of the country this week I also hand delivered my sculpture of a Milko to my pal Isabelle at Sarah Scout Gallery.
Here's a photo of my two sculptures of Milko's, and also my two sculptures of Red Skins, that I took a little while ago when I was at the milk bar.
While delivering the Milko to Sarah Scout Gallery I also got to scout out really nice show on there at the moment by Lisa Reid, so check that out if you're in the area. On a side note as well as being a great artist I'm pretty sure Lisa also runs the Alderman on Lygon Street, which is actually a nice little segue for me to remind you that the exhibition I'm in above the Alderman ends this Sunday afternoon.

But back to Sarah Scout Gallery, here's an awful drawing I did of Isabelle while we were talking.
The other time I drew Isabelle is currently on display in an exhibition up Punctum in Castlemaine. I didn't take this photo, I don't know who did, Isabelle sent it to me. From what I can gather it looks like she's drinking a Fanta.
And so yeah, you can go see that work, as well as the whole exhibition at Punctum Gallery up in Castlemaine. If you're lucky you might even be able to see Isabelle's old Fanta can if you go through the recycling bins. Or I don't know, maybe she didn't recycle, check the regular bins as well just in case.

Now that I've mentioned Bus, the Alderman and Castlemaine, another show that ends this Sunday is the Substation Contemporary Art Prize. As seen advertised here in front of a hoola hoop on platform one of Mitcham Station.
It's a little bit ridiculous to think that I'm in five shows at the moment, all of them special in their individual way. Here's the list incase I haven't jammed this information down your throat quite enough;

1. Bus Projects Print Fundraiser, at Bus Projects in Collingwood. The last day is this Saturday.

2. Future Now at Punctum Gallery in Castlemaine. Last day is this Sunday.

3. I probably don't like you, in the gallery formerly known as Death Be Kind, which is the gallery above the Alderman on Lygon Street. The last day to see this show is Sunday.


4. Substation Contemporary Art Award, at The Substation. The last day to see this show is Sunday.

And the fifth show of course is the one on at MUMA, which unlike the others doesn't end this weekend and is instead on until December 16. 

Here's a link to see the 34 photos that Heather Lighton took at the opening for The Thousands.

or if you'd rather just see the two with me in it, here they are, 
In addition to Art As A Verb there's also live readings of manifestos tomorrow at MUMA by three great Melbourne artists Bianca Hester, Christopher L.G. Hill and Anastasia Klose. Also, me. It's tomorrow, (Saturday October 10, probably today when you're reading this) at 3pm. you should come! 

The other two things that're happening at tomorrow at MUMA is that there'll be two 20 something year old women sitting on a plinth for Clarke Beumont's 2013 piece Co-existing, and also Jill Scott's tape performance will be happening again.
Which is a really great work, (especially when you see it in real life), but it's kind of funny. ever since I first saw it it's always just reminded me of this meme.
Frankston's where I went tonight actually, having dinner for my Muma's birthday, and speaking of MUMA I should really be figuring out now what I'm going to read tomorrow. On top of that I'm literally falling asleep as I write this. This post is no doubt full of clumsy sentences and spelling mistakes. I think I have to go to bed. 

I think for today I'll wrap it all up by showing you this video of my buddy Nelson Walkom singing You've got a friend in me.

The video just makes me really happy. I love this song and I love my bud Nelvis Presley and I hope you reading this blog know that when the road gets rough ahead and you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed, please just remember what you're old pal said, yeah you've got a friend in me. And I mean I know that some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am, bigger and stronger too, but none of them will ever love you the way I do.. ha, well I'm sure you're very loveable so I bet that they will, but even still, you're gonna see it's our destiny, that you've got a friend in me, yeah you've got a friend in me. Goodnight. Thanks for reading. See you soon.


  1. I know, this is cruel. But I was so astounded by the strap keeper story that I googled strap keepers Melbourne. Your blog was number 5 on the list. I couldn’t see any strap keepers for sale. I don’t know why… but I googled strap keepers Auckland and hey presto There are three types, and quite cheap. I am happy to sell any Australian a strap keeper at the same price as Kenny sold his ceramic keeper.

    I wasn’t that happy about your repeated reference to Colleen…. That WA person beat me out of a Pittock classic; throwing her money around like that. She doesn’t deserve to be rewarded in print 

    But anyway…. Back on point, it costs $700 to register a car in Aussie? For how long, 10 years? Never again will I complain. Out of interest, how much is the ticket if you don’t register your car? And I could have looked back, but are we talking about Blitzen, or was that the old car?

    Italian huh… is that a duo lingo site? I tried learning German on that site. It wasn’t good. I lacked dedication, that site was fine. I want to say more but the emotion from failing is still too raw; six months later.

    This comment post is useless… I’m being distracted by XFactor Australia…. The results. It is pretty obvious to me that this guy called Dan (I think) is going to win this show, so now I’m just watching it for the advertisements.

    Anyway, I’m sorry for the poor quality of this post and it’s complete failure to deal with all of the pertinent bits but as has been pointed out to me – my commenting has recently been deficient (missing totally actually). So I have a few posts to make. I will try and do better next time.

    1. Hey Paul, great researching, that's pretty rad I was number five on the list. It sounds like you're fully equipped to be Australia's number one importer of strap keepers, best of luck I'm sure business will be booming, as much as I'd love to be your first customer, as you've now read I happily have a new watch and am no longer in the market, at least for the time being.

      Ha, Colleen deserves everything she gets, I'm very grateful and I will continue to print it from the rooftops.

      Yeah when it comes to cars they ain't cheap cheap cheap, but they do have horns that go beep beep beep. (That's a new song I just wrote that outlines the pros and cons of car ownership.)

      Duo lingo is a great site, I'm also learning Italian through a few other means as well. You should get back into it, learning more languages is really fun, extremely hard but really fun, and I think it makes the world a little bit friendlier. I definitely understand the raw emotion of failure though, that's for sure, for me the best way to deal with it is to distract yourself by experiencing the raw taste of onion. Just go around crunching on onions all day long, you'll forget all about how you wish you could speak German.

      I don't watch XFactor, although on the weekend an old man came up to me and was convinced I was "Red foo from the XFactor". He was a bit senile and I think just being funny, I'd just washed my hair and it was looking pretty big and crazy.

      Ha, no need to apologise, it was an excellent comment and you know it, thanks heaps, very much appreciated, hope you're having a great day mate, be sure to eat a kiwi bird drumstick for me, Kenny :)

  2. It has been a week already.... there is something to be said for being regular (six shows on or not) :)

    1. Hey Paul, sorry for the delay, in the future I'll try and be much more of the regular guy you want me to be, ha, I just put up a new blog post earlier tonight, hope you like it :)